Today I’ve cried.
I’ve cooked. I’ve wrapped. I’ve cried some more. I wrapped again.
I laid on the floor of our closet because being surrounded by Clayton’s clothes feels like home.
This morning when I woke up Clayton gave me a gift.
My phone made this weird video of photos of just him. My phone has never done this before.
Clayton always had hope in healing. So much so that he never prepared for his death.
I find myself looking through pockets or his belongings with the the wish that he would have left me a note or a message of some kind.
They aren’t there because he never planned on leaving us.
His belief was so strong that he refused to live or take action in any other way.
So I am grateful for the video and have to believe it was from him reminding me he is here with me.
Last year I started my own tradition where on Christmas Eve I spend some extra time on self care.
I get a pedicure and take a long bath.
It feels good to rest today.
I’m soaking in love and celebration.
I’m soaking in gratitude and gifts.
I’m soaking in the magic of this season and the joy it brings in the darkness.
And I’m celebrating you.
Merry Christmas Eve to my celebration squad.
Thank you for carrying me this year and being on my sideline.
Let your light shine bright this Christmas.
Thoughtfully, Chelsey Arnal