Hysterically Crying at Disney

I hysterically cried on Dumbo at Disney World. I took the kids to get away and have some fun knowing it would also be a hard trip. Grief has become our new travel companion (always there companion?) and it caught up to me on this ride. I don’t do well with rides that spin in circles. I’ve had vertigo so me and spinning just aren’t friends. I was planning to let the boys ride by themselves. Apparently @waltdisneyworld doesn’t allow this. A ten and five year old who minutes before rode Space Mountain can’t ride dumbo without a parent? The cast member came over and let me know the kids couldn’t ride without an adult. I politely told him I couldn’t ride but the kids were fine. He kindly told me his boss would disagree. In an effort to help he asked “is there anyone else that could ride with them?” I answered no and he asked again. “Are you sure there isn’t anyone else?” I felt my eyes well up and my heart drop to my stomach. I responded in slow motion. I wanted to yell at him and tell him no! There isn’t anyone else. My husband just died and I am here alone doing the very best that I can! Instead, I caught Connors huge smile as his excitement to ride the ride projected from his little body. I composed myself and told the cast member I would ride with Connor. As soon as the ride started, I couldn’t hold it in. I may have even wailed out loud as my tears hit the wind and we soared in circles. You know I love to #celebraterandomly and today is #worldcancerday. Truthfully I’m having a hard time celebrating anything with cancer and I think that’s ok. Sometimes the reasons to celebrate are far and few between. But in honor of Clayton, I have to celebrate his fight. I have to celebrate the life we created and the beautiful family I have because of him. Today I am celebrating through the tears and heartache of what cancer took from me because Clayton is worth celebrating. If you are in a difficult season and find celebrating hard, I see you. Please know you are loved. If you are in a celebratory season, make sure you toss the confetti so we can delight in your joy! To anyone touched by cancer, I’m cheering for you. May your fight be as strong and fierce as Clayton’s.